Living Life with PTSD
A normal day for me is spent trying to avoid things that would cause me to think about painful memories, or putting on a fake smile to get through the day. By the time I get home I am so exhausted from putting on a fake smile that I feel like I could crash. PTSD causes me to have a hard time connecting with my family. Due to the lack of connection with my family I typically am not invited to events. I can not blame them for feeling the way that they do. Living with PTSD even makes it hard to spend time with friends. I can text them but when it comes to spending time together or doing something that requires me leaving my house I typically try to get out of it or hope that plans get canceled. I am trying to find the help that I need to get better but, I really do not think that there is anything that can be done to make me the person that I was prior to the military. There are times when I get angry for no reason and thankfully I am with a very supportive, patient and understanding man that does not hold it against me. Some days I do not want to leave the house, let alone my bed. There are bills that have to be paid which means that I have to get up and go to work. There are some days where I have a hard time getting through the day and feel that I am getting overwhelmed with the smallest tasks.
How do I get through the days that are hard for me? Typically I will reach out to one of my few close friends to chat and get my mind off of whatever is bothering me at the moment. I can and do talk to my boyfriend but I do not want to stress him with my issues all the time. I make sure to journal every night to get all my feelings out even if it is not to a person, I am not holding it in. I find other things to do to help calm my mind such as, meditation, blogging or exercising. I also see my therapist every other week and am able to talk to her about the past two weeks and anything that has really bothered me. One thing that I have found to really help me when I am talking to my therapist is to take notes and write down suggestions that she gives. With everything being virtual at the moment I am able to write down my notes and not have it seem rude. That also allows me to look back on the coping mechanisms that I was given and put them to use over the next two weeks.
The most important thing to living with PTSD or any other mental health issue is to take every day for what it is worth. I look at it this way; I woke up that morning and made it through the day. I just remember that every day will not be the best day ever. I am human and entitled to bad days just like everyone else. It is just important to remember not to let the dark or negativity take over. Take it one day at a time, breathe and give myself a little grace and mercy.
