What about me?
What about me is a question that I rarely ever ask. This can cause me to go into a dark emotional place at times because I feel overwhelmed and sometimes unappreciated from those that have been on the receiving end from me. There are days that I feel people are constantly asking me for things and it is hard for me to say no, this leads me to feeling stretched thin and occasionally like I am being used. I am so used to taking care of people that it is hard for me to allow or accept help from other people. This was a topic of discussion at my latest therapy appointment. My therapist told me that I am unfulfilled on the receiving end. I can completely see that being true. She also told me that I am not the best at receiving because people like me are so used to giving and not getting. It is so bad that I even have a hard time receiving compliments from people. So where do I begin to change my ways and start receiving from others? Start by asking for small things to get used to receiving help. I can start with those close to me like my husband and see how he reacts. This means that I can not hover over him and try to dictate to him how to complete the tasks but allow him to complete it on his own. This is easier said than done for me. I have a hard time releasing control of tasks because I want things done a certain way. In order to get to a point where I am being filled on the receiving end I need to start releasing control of small tasks that do not matter how they are completed as long as they are completed. I also need to feel comfortable with telling people no, I am not able to help. This is another easier said than done thing. I have a hard time telling people no and will rearrange my schedule to make things work for other people.
I am a kind person that likes to see people happy. Many times this means me being unhappy or being overwhelmed and stressed out trying to please other people. One night I was going through my phone and getting rid of old text messages and it seemed like there were more messages of people asking me for things than anything else. Because I have such a hard time telling people no when they ask for things (mainly money) I send them the money and do not look for repayment if they are in a rough situation but it would be nice if they made an attempt to give me something back when they get on their feet. I have been trying to get better with telling people no because I need to worry about my mental and financial health. Telling people that I can not give/loan them anymore money has led to me being called selfish, rude, inconsiderate and a lot of other things. I understand that this is a form of manipulation on their part. They want to try to make me feel bad that I said no so that I cave and continue to help them.
